Thursday, January 10, 2008

January 10th

I can't seem to think of anything else to write today but the obvious... which is that today marks the 10th anniversary of my mom's passing. It's a day I dread every year - and not only because that day forever changed me, but also because it means one more year has gone by without her - and that means distance. And distance is scary when trying to hold on to someone who is no longer around. My memory of her physical presence has become blurry, and I have to pray for dreams to bring her back to me. I know there will come a day when I will have lived more years without her than with her - something I can't wrap my head around without aching inside.

But that's not today. Today, I want to hold on to and share a few things about my mom. Things like how she never let me leave the house without a hug, no matter how late I was or how hard I rolled my eyes - there had to be a hug. The way she answered the phone "Good Morning!" instead of hello. The time she left her bowling team to bring me my field hockey stick that I'd forgotten at home - she was not happy, but did it anyway. The way she always laughed at my dad - and even though he was the one telling the jokes, she was the one who taught us all how good it feels to laugh. How she would bring me and my best friend black jelly beans (our favorite) to all of our lacrosse games.

I miss my mom every day. And because this longing feels very real to me and makes her memory very real, I hope it never goes away.

8 comments:

mariss said...

Wow, what a beautiful post. It sounds like she truly enjoyed life, and was a wonderful person and mother.

My brother has only been gone two years, and I worry about that stuff you mentioned as well--it's so scary and sad and crappy.

I don't know what I believe, but sometimes it seems like the distance to possibly seeing them again could be shortening as well. Who knows...

I hope you dream of your mom soon, and my heart goes out to you and your family today.

Liz Libré said...

Thank you for your kind words, Mariss. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. It's so not easy - and really continue to be so. I appreciate you writing - more than you know.

Chelsea said...

Thank you to your post. I think it is so important to write down these memories so that you won't forget.

I was just thinking about this thing the other night as it has been a little over 3 years since a friend passed away and I was struggling to remember things about her. I just felt shocked at how quickly I've forgotten.

Lizzy and Shannon said...

Liz - Just read your blog. Such a nice post. I remember FH breakfasts and your Mom always had the best spreads - my personal fav - Golden Grams! I hope dreams of your Mom come soon to you xoxo Shannon

Liz Libré said...

Thanks, Chelsea and Shannon. I really appreciate you writing - truly.

cyndi & lee said...

I lost a very good friend of mine almost 8 years ago (March 7) and know how scary it is to feel them slipping away. I hate that memories are becoming blurred and I'm most afraid of the day where I can't recall very specific details. While time is a blessing in some ways, in others it's our biggest enemy!

What a beautiful tribute you gave your mother. I can tell you loved her very much!!

Anonymous said...

Liz, don't know how this works, but I just read your note about Aunt Linda. I miss her. Always be happy with the memories for me I had none as I was so young, but I loved and lived on the stories others told me. We love you Lorranie

Tommy said...

I'm way behind on your blog, but I wanted to express my condolences.

I lost my grandpa a few days before Thanksgiving, which was the first time someone close to me has passed away. That was rough, even though he lived far away from us--I can't imagine what you felt 10 years ago, losing someone especially close to you.

I have to say, though, it seems that you keep her very close to you. You do have the memories, and it's so good for you to refresh them from time to time. Thank you for sharing.